I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you!

I have a real love-hate relationship with Ikea. One the one hand, cheap=good, right? And also cute, so the equation is this: cheap+cute=waaaay good. And the best part? Here, just look at the final formula: cheap+cute+store only about 30 minutes away=words cannot adequately express the goodness.

Then again, subtract instructions that have no written words in them, because Ikea writes all their stuff in 18 languages. And contrary to popular belief, I am for once NOT exaggerating. English, Deutsch, Francais, Nederlands, Italiano, Espanol, Portugues, Svenska, Dansk, Norsk, Suomi (huh?), Polski, Cesky, Slovensky, Magyar, and three other languages my keyboard doesn't have keys for--Russian, Japanese, and Chinese. EIGHTEEN. So instead, I get this:

For those of you not fluent in Ikean, let me translate.

Ideograph 1: "Aha! In order to easily put together this beautiful Hensvik bookshelf, the only tools I will need are my phillips head screwdriver, my regular screwdriver, and a hammer!"

Ideograph 2: "I will not drop this lovely Hensvik bookshelf onto the cement floor, for that would crack apart the corners, and I would cry. Instead, I will make sure to construct this furniture on a carpet, which will make me happy!"

Ideograph 3: "If I am unable to read one of the eighteen languages in which this 16-page instruction manual is written, and am upset that my fabulous Hensvik bookcase might get put together incorrectly, I will simply telephone my nearest Ikea store, to talk to one of the minimum-wage earning, surly high school students who work there! Surely, they can talk me through it!"

As luck would have it, I was able to get through the process without having to call a surly high school student, but I did have to rip the backing off of the almost-completed piece and switch out two shelves. And as I was crawling into the book shelf in order to screw a little connector into a most unlikely spot, I started to wonder. Do famous people build their own Ikea furniture, or do they hire people to do it for them? You know who I can guarantee you doesn't put together her own Ikea furniture? Oprah. Oprah's Ikea furniture is put together by an elite cadre of Ikea specialists, people who can read one of the 18 languages and translate it into actions that eventually result in a Hensvik bookshelf! Someone like me.

I have successfully built a Hensvik bookshelf. Yesterday, I made a Snille desk chair to go with the Vika Amon desktop and Vika Curry desk legs I built into a WHOLE desk! In the next few days, I will also be making yet another Hensvik bookshelf, and a Hemnes chest of drawers and nightstand!

I'll bet Oprah's never heard of Ikea.