A horrifying recipe

Spring break, Junior year.


Mexico.



Mas tequila, por favor!



3 best girlfriends. (Tennyson, Tallullah, Audrey)



A boyfriend mom doesn't know about.



His name is Wayne.



Wayne is 28.



Hotel room costs very few pesos.



We don't need no stinkin' sleep!



Mom & Dad think the trip is school-sanctioned and chaperoned.



Suckers!



Met "Girls Gone Wild" guys on beach earlier today.



Dos Equis.



Wayne has a camera.

Mom has a coronary.

His real identity: REVEALED!

Doggie, the uber-mangy stuffed dog that Zoe carries around, has finally allowed us to know his full name. For quite some time we knew his first name was Walter (his younger, cleaner brother is Warren, by the way.) But this morning, on the way to school, Zoe informed me that his full name is actually Walter Carl Flower. I was surprised that I'm just now learning it, since he's lived in our house for about 2 and a half years.

He must not be on the run from the law anymore.

99% physically perfect.

Here's the other 1%:

It's somewhat difficult to tell from the photo, but all her molars and her canines are touching corresponding teeth on her lower jaw (mandible!) (Occlusional surfaces!) All four of her upper incisors project out in a beautifully classic overbite. I can't actually tell if her teeth are actually ANGLED outward, or if her upper jaw (maxilla!) projects beyond her lower. I foresee orthodontia in the coming years. This might not be so horrible if I hadn't suggested to her last night that pretty soon we'd have to think about seeing a dentist. You'd have thought I suggested a quick visit to the local baby vivisectionist. She's horrified. And it wasn't about her overbite, it was about having her teeth cleaned. I only noticed the overbite this morning!

I suspect I'm going to be willing to do anything to keep her from having my teeth, which are an unnerving color that I'd love to have professionally changed. I probably just don't brush them enough/the right way/with the correct dentrifice/whatever. I want her smile dazzlingly white! Overbite and all.

And speaking of smiles, while I attempted to photograph the intersting tooth configuration, I caught this:

Excuse me while I leave my computer for a moment to weep at her luminous beauty. . . I'd love to take some really good photographs of her, sort of portrait quality, but it's well nigh impossible for her to see a camera and not become an enormous ham steak. I have begun to figure out my camera (just a little) and am itching to learn more about lighting, but this all makes me want to take cool pictures. COOL pictures. I end up with mostly "Little Dancing Goof" pictures.

I like to call this the "Rockstar Sans Pants" series. There are about 20 more, but these are my favorites. And the quality! It's so low! These were taken PRIOR to learning some Canon techniques. Okay, they're not just Canon. They're every digital camera. And I'm JUST NOW figuring them out. She gets her Goofiosity from me, obviously.

And here is my latest project. I will be sending one to every child I know, because I think it is hilarious.

Seriously. Kelly, if you read this, I'm sending them to Jake and Waverly. Toss them if you hate them, but making them is fun!

They walk underwater!

This morning, we're watching children's programming. They're talking about letters, and the letter in question at that moment was: "M." There were several objects on the screen, all of which started with M. One thing is just an outline. A voice says, "Name an animal that starts with an M!" This outline has good-sized ears and buck teeth, and I, so lacking in imagination, am thinking, "Mouse!"

No so the child. Her answer?

"Tapir!"

The next animal name I expect her to utter? Coelacanth. I wouldn't be surprised.

Also, I suspect she's been mixing with an unsavory element at school. Today in the car, while a Springsteenesque instrumental thing was playing, I hear from the backseat, "Yeah, baybuh! Yeah, baybuh! Gimmeachance, baybuh!"

These kids these days with The Rock and Roll.