Never say never. Never.

Some (okay, one) of you may remember me wailing about algebra that "I don't need to know this crap! When am I ever going to need to solve for X?"

WHEN YOU'RE 40, THAT'S WHEN! (And you've decided to start a whole new career that involves pharmaceuticals and various dosages and calculating fluid and nutrient intake and shit like that. THAT'S WHEN!)

It is 1:16 in the morning, and Zach has just gone to bed after a tearful evening of trying to teach the proverbial old dog (that'd be me) new tricks (solving for x.) Now, I'll be honest. I figured that this time around, because I'm actually serious about my education, I'd be more open to algebra and therefore more quickly figure it out.

No. That's not how it works, as it turns out.

I STILL can't wrap my brain around it without significant amounts of pain and angst. There really were actual tears--I wasn't being hyperbolic in that last paragraph there. I cried. EASY solving for x problems are just fine. It's when we're getting into things like six sevenths times 3 over x = 150 over 17. Yeah, it's totally solvable, but the very sight of it turns the parts of my brain dedicated to such ridiculous shit into stone. And really HARD stone, too!

And so I say to you today: 26 years later, I STILL hate algebra. This time, however, I refuse to let it chew me up and spit me out.

Take THAT, math! Hmph!

Resolutions

Me: snorting with laughter

Okay, alright. I'm always one to laugh at my own goals because hey! Saves me the time and energy I would otherwise have spent actually trying to ACHIEVE them, see? No so this 30th time around or so! (I don't think I made any resolutions before I was 10. I was not yet completely disgusted with myself. Close, though.) No, this time, I'm SERIOUS, dammit! And here they are, because I know you started holding your breath in anticipation at the beginning of this paragraph, and I want you to continue living!

1. Organize. I KNOW! LAUGH! It's all I can do not to lay down and listen to my guts bust as I howl. I can do it! I can! I CAN! I have a little pink binder and everything!

2. Keep a (relatively) tidy house. Those of you who have lived with me (you know who you are--I won't out you here) know that this is even more ridiculous than #1, and yet, today, I cleared off one of the kitchen counters, did about a hundred loads of wash--AND HUNG UP THE CLEAN STUFF!!--and enlisted Zoe to help me collect Moe poo from the backyard. I am awesome.

3. Eat more healthfully. I went onto mypyramid.gov today to check what I eat daily against the government-sanctioned food pyramid, and I fully expect government agents to knock on the door tomorrow to take me away. Yes, it's that bad.

4. Figure out SOME way to generate an income. I don't have a lot of options, here. I'm open to suggestions. I could give blood and sell my belongings. That leaves me passed out on the concrete.

Can I accomplish these things in one measly year? One would hope. Other people do them in a single DAY. Me? I like to take my time.