Little Creatures

Which one do you want to hear about first?

On the top is a reasonable facsimile of what we have establishing a thriving economy in our attic insulation. All the evidence points to a booming business in rat-sized hob-nailed boots. They're all wearing them. And having parties at night. The exterminator who came out today is offering to spray fox urine in our attic to chase them away, and then seal the house with lots of metal to keep them from returning. Nobody has to die, isn't that cool? He also wants $2500. Personally, I have no issues with sharing my home with rats, as long as they stay in the attic (which we all know is a laughable dream) and don't ruin our insulation or chew our wires. So they have to find a new home. It's cold outside, poor things, but I'm certain they'll find solace in the crawlspace of some unsuspecting homeowner nearby.

On the right is, well. . . hmmmm. Not the usual pose one strikes when visiting museums in New York, is it? She's got her own drummer who follows her around, this one. While on a recent visit to Build A Bear to purchase a new outfit for Rina, she picked out a Hello Kitty rock 'n' roll top and some black and gold leggings. When I initially balked at buying Rina a red guitar, Zoe told me, "But Mommy! She wants to ROCK!" And as we all know, ROCKING is impossible without a guitar. I'm a total sucker.

Who I am not.

In the interest of Getting Shit Done, I sat this evening and made out a list of everything I was going to do prior to going to school, and the one thing I hoped to accomplish AFTER school. But the list wasn't enough. I then listed everything in general that needs doing, and now the list is as long as my arm, and so the person I wish I was today is: Samantha Stevens, from Bewitched. I would like to be able to look at something, wiggle my nose, and have it go where it needs to be, with minimal energy expenditure on my part. I would not like to be married to Darren.

Made $60 today selling Zoe's toys. Won't she be surprised when she comes home to find I've turned her room into a storage closet! I cleaned out two of her three toyboxes and found crap that she CAN'T remember having, and so took it to one of the local kid's resale shops. I have another load or so tomorrow, which is good, considering I have to buy a Hemnes nightstand and two sets of sheets at Ikea tomorrow. (Oops, forgot to put that on the list!) The sheets are ridiculously cheap there. And I am nothing if not totally into ridiculously cheap!

I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you!

I have a real love-hate relationship with Ikea. One the one hand, cheap=good, right? And also cute, so the equation is this: cheap+cute=waaaay good. And the best part? Here, just look at the final formula: cheap+cute+store only about 30 minutes away=words cannot adequately express the goodness.

Then again, subtract instructions that have no written words in them, because Ikea writes all their stuff in 18 languages. And contrary to popular belief, I am for once NOT exaggerating. English, Deutsch, Francais, Nederlands, Italiano, Espanol, Portugues, Svenska, Dansk, Norsk, Suomi (huh?), Polski, Cesky, Slovensky, Magyar, and three other languages my keyboard doesn't have keys for--Russian, Japanese, and Chinese. EIGHTEEN. So instead, I get this:

For those of you not fluent in Ikean, let me translate.

Ideograph 1: "Aha! In order to easily put together this beautiful Hensvik bookshelf, the only tools I will need are my phillips head screwdriver, my regular screwdriver, and a hammer!"

Ideograph 2: "I will not drop this lovely Hensvik bookshelf onto the cement floor, for that would crack apart the corners, and I would cry. Instead, I will make sure to construct this furniture on a carpet, which will make me happy!"

Ideograph 3: "If I am unable to read one of the eighteen languages in which this 16-page instruction manual is written, and am upset that my fabulous Hensvik bookcase might get put together incorrectly, I will simply telephone my nearest Ikea store, to talk to one of the minimum-wage earning, surly high school students who work there! Surely, they can talk me through it!"

As luck would have it, I was able to get through the process without having to call a surly high school student, but I did have to rip the backing off of the almost-completed piece and switch out two shelves. And as I was crawling into the book shelf in order to screw a little connector into a most unlikely spot, I started to wonder. Do famous people build their own Ikea furniture, or do they hire people to do it for them? You know who I can guarantee you doesn't put together her own Ikea furniture? Oprah. Oprah's Ikea furniture is put together by an elite cadre of Ikea specialists, people who can read one of the 18 languages and translate it into actions that eventually result in a Hensvik bookshelf! Someone like me.

I have successfully built a Hensvik bookshelf. Yesterday, I made a Snille desk chair to go with the Vika Amon desktop and Vika Curry desk legs I built into a WHOLE desk! In the next few days, I will also be making yet another Hensvik bookshelf, and a Hemnes chest of drawers and nightstand!

I'll bet Oprah's never heard of Ikea.

Fall, birthday party, and Halloween. Also my midterm grade.

I love October. That's when, at least for me, the very best part of the whole year starts. I love autumn (especially here in Texas, where autum MIGHT mean a break from the blistering heat, and a little opportunity to sit outside without your skin crisping up off your head or mosquitoes doing the rhumba up your shins.) It means I'm planning a big ol' birthday party, buying presents, thinking about Thanksgiving dinner and wondering how I'll decorate for Christmas. AND there's Halloween. Zoe has been, in order, a woodland fairy, Carmen Miranda, a floral fairy, and a retro Jane Jetson-type space girl. (Kelly, I had to laugh, because Madonna was one of my choices, too, but Zoe's too old and has too many of her OWN OPINIONS to let me decide what she'll be anymore. Big, hairy rats.) I will, of course, now slather this blog with photos of the above events.

Oh, and before I forget, I got an A on my midterm. Came as a pretty big shock to me because I was expecting more of a B-ish type grade. I rock. Seriously.

Anyway. . .

Around these parts, it wouldn't be fall without our annual trip to the pumpkin patch at Sweet Berry Farms, about 45 minutes away. They have buttloads of stuff to do--pumpkin painting, face painting, a corn maze, horseback rides, hayrides, games, you name it. Plus you get to pick a pumpkin for carving.

I was surprised and pleased that this year, when she painted her pumpkin, she chose colors other than black, which was what her first pumpkin looked like. I suppose black is apropos, but it just didn't seem very kid-like. Well, it was kid-like if the kid is Tuesday Addams. This photo makes it look like I wasn't dying from the heat, but I was. (You can't tell because I'm BEHIND the camera, see) but it was just way too hot to be October. However, I'm willing to take "too hot" instead of "snow." "Snow" would just suck.

Pony ride! She sat on top of that horse hollering about how fun it was, much to the amusement of the woman leading the horse. I had to explain that we were city girls, and didn't own horses, and that it was Zoe's first real ride.

So the birthday party descended on us and I was actually ready! Our theme was Monsters, and so I undertook to make some monstery snacks and treats. First, the fruits and veggies:

In the back are green apple, peanut butter and slivered almond "monster mouths." In front, celery filled with cream cheese, and covered with little bandages of deli turkey to make mummies. The eyes are made of bits of dried currants. I fear I ended up making them mostly for show, though, because not too many got eaten. I think this may be because they had actual vegetables involved, or because they were just plain weird looking. At any rate, I thought they were cool. So cool, in fact, that they warranted a photograph.

This is one of the spider pizzas I made. (Before baking.) They were just cheese pizzas made with refrigerated dough, jarred pizza sauce and an industrial-size sack of mozzarella. I made the spiders out of Pillsbury garlicky breadsticks in the tube. Everyone thought I was so creative! Got the idea from a magazine, so it was someone else's creativity, but I didn't mention that. Those garlicky breadsticks are really good, by the way. They remind you how good they are every time you burp, though, for the next 24 hours.

The day's entertainment was Staci Gray, the Austin-based kid's entertainer who Zoe thinks is too cool for school. As you can see, she was able to keep a roomful of a dozen four-year-olds not only occupied, but actually involved, so that the adults could sit around and talk to each other. There was quite a bit of dancing, not a little bit of yelling, and very often, one could hear Zoe hollering out to the crowd that "This is my favorite song!" She said that about all Staci's songs. But really, her REAL favorite is Tom Tom T-Rex.

I absolutely HAD to include this photo, because I didn't notice until just this morning what's going on in it. I thought it was a cute picture of Tennyson, on the left, really dancing up a storm. But look to the right of Tennyson. Zoe is in the off-white and burgundy dress. It's hard to tell, but all her hands and feet are off the ground. The girl is in mid-air. This is an integral part of her dance style, this leaping up into the air to land on her knees or bottom in a way that looks to me to be horribly painful, but apparently isn't.

Four of the six types of cupcakes I made for the party. These involved actual Wilton cake decorating stuff--pastry bags and tips and one of those cool frosting spatulas that make frosting a cake or cupcake about a MILLION times easier than with a dinner knife! Who knew? So--three-eyed monster, monster with wheaty hair, fuzzy green tongue monster, and spider in web. Coconut, M&M's, Shredded Wheat cereal, Fruitabu fruit leather, black licorice, candy corn, marshmallows--you name it. It was a carnival of candy and sugar, and one mommy told me it looked like the cover of a magazine. Indeed it did. That's where I got the ideas! Naturally, I stayed mum about that.

And also this guy. (I forgot to group him with the other four.) The one design I didn't get a photo of was a green cupcake with a cookie stuck in it with RIP piped onto it, and rock-colored Jelly Bellies around it with more piped grass to look like a tombstone in a graveyard. I'll be honest with y'all--I was so impressed with myself I can hardly express it, and I hope someday Zoe looks back fondly on the birthdays her mom threw for her. When she's 16 and hates me, maybe she'll remember this little cupcake.

And finally, Halloween. This costume was a Grade-A pain in the ass to make, but it turned out SO very cute, it was worth it. She's already telling me she wants to be a belly dancer next year, which should be completely painless in comparison. The party line is that she was an alien, but I lean more toward a Jane or Judy Jetson type space girl. (With antennae, of course.)

MY FAVORITE MARTIAN!

I hope she's your favorite, too!