London Dragons

Who remembers the old-school Dungeons & Dragons game? In my neck of the woods, with the 4 other people I used to play with, it was an utter good time. It was really more about the socializing than the actual game, but play the actual game we did. There was ALWAYS Coke in the tall glass bottles, Cheetos, (the crunchy kind,) nacho cheese Doritos (mixed in a bowl with the Cheetos,) and a box of donuts. There was generally more food after all that had been consumed, but those four thing were indispensable.

The game started in the early evening, and often went until the wee hours of the morning, until everyone was giddy with exhaustion and the thrill of the game which we, as a group, did NOT play totally according to the rules. We didn't worry much about encumbrance, we didn't give a crap about which spells we were and weren't allowed to have at which level, we just dove in and had a great time.

Fast forward now--it's approximately 26 years later (holy crap.) Four grown couples are sitting on a living room floor, with all their geek supplies in front of them. Four children, (aged 6, 4 1/2, 2 and about 9-10 months) running around, and two 9-week-old puppies are thrown in for good measure.

For some wild reason, it just wasn't the same.

I really do find myself pining for earlier times quite often these days. Not that I don't like my NOW, but things were so simple back then, even though at the time I thought it was so hard. There were no bills that I saw, I wasn't responsible for much, I was relatively healthy and slept well, my thighs and upper arms, while chunky, didn't make "flappity-flappity" noises every time I moved them. My hair was thicker, my teeth were in better shape, without the weird slight underbite I've developed with two teeth. Yeah, I was fat, but really, things weren't that bad. My mom was as normal as she ever got, and she and my dad lived in the same house. Sometimes I'm just surprised to wake up and find that I'M the mom, the adult, the responsible one. It's weird. I still feel like I'm 18. (In my head, at least. My body is about 60.)

I never thought I'd be one of those mothers who lives vicariously though her children, but I find myself wanting things for Zoe that I wanted for myself--stuff I never had. Like summer camp. I remember wanting to go to summer camp, but I never did. I thought back then that I was being deprived, but I realize now that we probably couldn't afford it. And even though ballet classes are going to be more expensive this year because of being part of the company instead of just taking classes, I'm all about it! I wanted to be a ballerina, too. (I can still remember mom taking me to ballet classes at UOP--where I would sit on the floor underneath the barre and refuse to come away from the wall. Those classes didn't last long--I was far too shy.) I was always too shy and too scared of everything to be any of the great things I aspired to, but Zoe is my polar opposite--outgoing, fearless, lousy with self-esteem. And so I want to push her to do all these things, because I didn't do them. I WANT to push her, but I don't. She loves ballet, so she goes, and she wants summer camp, so she goes. If she were to tell me she didn't want to go anymore, I would be disappointed, but I'd never force her to go.

When I look at her, though, it's like all I can see is this little bundle of potential. I suppose all parents feel that way.

So speaking of parents and polar opposites and stuff, let me tell you about tonight's experience at the house were we played D&D. (And let me preface it that we have a few rules that Zoe follows and that are almost never broken. One is that she doesn't drink soda. She has water, milk, juice and the occasional lemonade. That's about it. Another is that there are certain things on television that aren't appropriate for her to watch. Spongebob Squarepants is one of those, as it has no redeeming qualities for people in her age-group, in my opinion.)

The couple that was hosting has two kids, the 6- and 2-year-old. When we got there, it was the first time I really met the mother, although I know the father pretty well. She took me through the kitchen and said that she had chips and rootbeer for the kids. I didn't say anything thinking that I could deal with that when we came to it. Well, pretty soon, one of her kids hands Zoe a big bottle of rootbeer. Zach and I kind of gave each other looks, wondering how to go about taking it away without offending anyone, and the mother picked it up, and was great about it, but offered instead milk with strawberry Quik in it. So yeah, it still was jam-packed with sugar, but at least it was milk. Later, as the kids were playing, the little girl comes out to ask if it's okay if Zoe watches Spongebob Squarepants. Jeez! I just said to go ahead, because I already felt like the strictest mom alive. The other two kids, in the 6 hours we were there, drank nothing but rootbeer and ate nothing but tortilla chips and frosted animal cookies, and a few crackers with cheese. The mother told them they could have ice cream later, and I forced Zoe to eat some chicken before the ice cream was trotted out. (Which, by the way, it never was, thank goodness!) Until tonight, I felt guilty when I made Zoe one of those frozen Kid Cuisine dinners, or made her a grilled-cheese sandwich or mac and cheese, but now, not so much. It felt almost like they had seen my list of rules and figured out a way for my daughter to break every one. And the thing is, they're nice people, and they were very nice and understanding about how we raise our own kid, but still, it was a struggle with the other kids around her get stuff she can't have. And just as an aside, I am astounded by the number of mothers who can't wrap their brains around Zoe not having had a soda at her age.

I guess I just assumed everyone parented the way I do, unless they were completely deficient. Not so! These are not deficient people! It was weird.

I will just need to come to terms that not everyone can be a 10th level Mommy like me.