Rabies Watch, 2009
Today is Day 3 of a mandatory 10-day rabies quarantine for a sweet little stripey gray cat at our hospital. In Texas, any animal that bites somebody MUST be under rabies quarantine, regardless of vaccination history. This sweet little cat with the great big chew-marks on her back bit MY thumb on Friday afternoon.
Naturally, it was all my fault. One of the doctors asked me to get her from her cage to be examined. "No problemo!" I say in my head, along with some jaunty superhero music, and I go to the cage where she immediately sees me and starts growling and hissing. "Okay!" thinks the Big Superhero Tech! "I'll throw a towel over her!" Throwing a towel over a growling, hissing cat usually actually works--at least to get it picked up. The yowling/spitting/swiping keeps on going, but you're protected by a nice loopy layer of terrycloth. (!) Whoosh goes the towel and then I try to grab her, at which point she projected her jaws out of her mouth like the monster in Aliens and bit my thumb. And you know what? Cats have mouths full of GIANT NEEDLES! Giant, hot bacteria-laden, festering needles of the Apocalypse, and I think they may also be serrated. And hollow, to better relieve you of your life's blood. And two of them were in my thumb!
Shoving all thoughts and worries that my thumb was being amputated, I got the cat to the table, and then casually mentioned I'd been bitten. There was a little bit of blood, but I wasn't all that concerned about it, because even though I joke about my false bravado at the hospital, I really don't worry all that much about stuff like poop and vomit and anal gland leavings and blood. Even mine. (Blood, that is. If any of that other stuff was coming out of me at work, well. . . )
Ever see a movie or television show where one character says something, and everything around them just stops? As soon as I mentioned being bitten, there was the sound of a needle across a vinyl record (remember those?!) and everyone looks at me. Sheeeeeeeit.
To save a lot of explaining, in the end I found that cats basically have mouths like. . . like. . . what has a grosser and more disgusting mouth than a cat? Is there a shit- and toxic sludge- and maggot-eating member of the animal kingdom? Because a cat's mouth is worse than that. Up to 80% of all cat bites become infected, and that's because cats just might come from hell. (I can't be sure of that, but I have my suspicions.) I'm just sayin'.
So said cat is now incarcerated in our hospital, and I had to get a tetanus shot yesterday, which sort of hurt worse than the original bite. Oh, the needle going in didn't hurt at all--it was the lingering throbbing muscle pain I'm talking about. And really--CATS DON'T SPREAD TETANUS! Any time your skin gets broken and a doctor gets involved, there's a tetanus shot. Fell off your bike and skinned your knee? Tetanus shot! Cut your hand while fishing? Tetanus shot! Foaming butthole? Is there a bleeding fissure there? Tetanus shot!
This little cat, when I got there today, is possibly one of the sweetest cats I've met, and the reason she gnawed on my Friday was because she was in searing pain and then I went and tried to manhandle her. She warned me. Any worries I may have had about rabies are pretty much gone--this is not a rabid cat. Unless rabies makes cats purr and rub up their faces on your hand over and over and over. . . and if that's what it did, it wouldn't be that big a deal to get, would it?
So I'm pretty sure I don't have rabies. However! If, within the next three or four months you see me staggering around and foaming out of any orifice whatsoever? Run away.
Naturally, it was all my fault. One of the doctors asked me to get her from her cage to be examined. "No problemo!" I say in my head, along with some jaunty superhero music, and I go to the cage where she immediately sees me and starts growling and hissing. "Okay!" thinks the Big Superhero Tech! "I'll throw a towel over her!" Throwing a towel over a growling, hissing cat usually actually works--at least to get it picked up. The yowling/spitting/swiping keeps on going, but you're protected by a nice loopy layer of terrycloth. (!) Whoosh goes the towel and then I try to grab her, at which point she projected her jaws out of her mouth like the monster in Aliens and bit my thumb. And you know what? Cats have mouths full of GIANT NEEDLES! Giant, hot bacteria-laden, festering needles of the Apocalypse, and I think they may also be serrated. And hollow, to better relieve you of your life's blood. And two of them were in my thumb!
Shoving all thoughts and worries that my thumb was being amputated, I got the cat to the table, and then casually mentioned I'd been bitten. There was a little bit of blood, but I wasn't all that concerned about it, because even though I joke about my false bravado at the hospital, I really don't worry all that much about stuff like poop and vomit and anal gland leavings and blood. Even mine. (Blood, that is. If any of that other stuff was coming out of me at work, well. . . )
Ever see a movie or television show where one character says something, and everything around them just stops? As soon as I mentioned being bitten, there was the sound of a needle across a vinyl record (remember those?!) and everyone looks at me. Sheeeeeeeit.
To save a lot of explaining, in the end I found that cats basically have mouths like. . . like. . . what has a grosser and more disgusting mouth than a cat? Is there a shit- and toxic sludge- and maggot-eating member of the animal kingdom? Because a cat's mouth is worse than that. Up to 80% of all cat bites become infected, and that's because cats just might come from hell. (I can't be sure of that, but I have my suspicions.) I'm just sayin'.
So said cat is now incarcerated in our hospital, and I had to get a tetanus shot yesterday, which sort of hurt worse than the original bite. Oh, the needle going in didn't hurt at all--it was the lingering throbbing muscle pain I'm talking about. And really--CATS DON'T SPREAD TETANUS! Any time your skin gets broken and a doctor gets involved, there's a tetanus shot. Fell off your bike and skinned your knee? Tetanus shot! Cut your hand while fishing? Tetanus shot! Foaming butthole? Is there a bleeding fissure there? Tetanus shot!
This little cat, when I got there today, is possibly one of the sweetest cats I've met, and the reason she gnawed on my Friday was because she was in searing pain and then I went and tried to manhandle her. She warned me. Any worries I may have had about rabies are pretty much gone--this is not a rabid cat. Unless rabies makes cats purr and rub up their faces on your hand over and over and over. . . and if that's what it did, it wouldn't be that big a deal to get, would it?
So I'm pretty sure I don't have rabies. However! If, within the next three or four months you see me staggering around and foaming out of any orifice whatsoever? Run away.
posted by Stef | 9:54 PM
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