Update: Moe

Surgery was yesterday, and according to the doctor, she's very pleased with how things went. There were several factors that make the prognosis better, which I think I already mentioned, about not showing clinical signs, and a good surgical site. Add to that the fact that the lesion was pedunculated, meaning that instead of being flush with the mucosa of his bladder, it was more of an encapsulated thing on a stalk. She was able to excise a decent margin, too, go Dr. Caplan!

Moe came out of anesthesia well, and according to the woman I talked to today, is up and around, and is peeing on his own with no problems. Go, Moe! I get to pick him up today around 2 pm. He has to wear an e-collar, but aside from that, I'm hoping he's himself.

Catching this lesion has, as far as I'm concerned, made every single penny Zach has put into my tech education worth it. Remember I mentioned that there was a lot of backstory? The gist of said backstory is that because I knew what I was talking about, I had my regular vet's office do a follow-up urinalysis after they told me his urine looked great. I knew it didn't. If I'd taken their word for it, I would have waited an entire year for another urinalysis on his yearly checkup, and I don't want to think what it would have found at that point. Go, me! Go, Elizabeth Warren, RVT, who has taught me so well!

Of course, we're not out of the woods, but the trees, they are a'thinning. And I can breathe again. And maybe tonight, I'll be able to sleep.

Oncologist, redux

Well, we've been and gone. Surgery is scheduled for day after tomorrow, Thursday.

The oncologist says he doesn't want to give us lots of false hope, but there are many things in our favor. One is that the growth is in a nicely operable area, and another is that he has shown absolutely NO clinical signs that are normally seen with a transitional cell tumor. He also mentioned that since Moe had a bladder stone, there are sometimes growth associated with those, but that it was much safer to assume a tumor.

At any rate, they're going in on Thursday to see what it is. His bladder will be resected and he'll be in the hospital overnight.

So right now, we're being hopeful. Yay!

Tomorrow

9 a.m.
Oncologist.
Shit.

I've checked whether or not the oncologist has had any disciplinary actions taken against him--none. I checked our regular veterinarian just for good measure--none. So far, so good.

I don't know what I expect. I doubt I'll know anything of grave import tomorrow evening, except when Moe's surgery is.

Good thoughts, all, good thoughts.

Please?

Crap.

There's a whole long backstory with this, but the bottom line is that Moe went into the veterinarian's office this morning for an ultrasound, and it is more likely than unlikely that he has a transitional cell tumor in his bladder. We are being referred to an oncologist, and it looks like he'll have to have surgery to find out for certain that's what it is (because there is a slight possibility that it's just a polyp.) He also has a nodule in his spleen, which was relatively unconcerning to the doctor who did the ultrasound, but which will be biopsied during his bladder surgery. He is currently having a lung x-ray done to see if it has metastasized.

Being me, I did a quick bit of research and found that even after surgery in which there had been no spread of the disease, survival rates were less than a year. Our veterinarian did say that there is an actual cure rate for this, since his tumor is in an operable area of the bladder, which is unusual, with the addition of chemotherapy. She also told me that she herself had a dog with transitional cell carcinoma who had a great quality of life for a year on medication alone. I guess the thing that's bothering me most is that there is an actual possible end in sight for him, and I don't like being able to see it.

And seriously, can we even afford this? We have Zoe's tuition to pay and all the other things that cost money, but I just can't seem to make myself pragmatic enough to opt for euthanasia until I know in my heart that it's the best thing to do for him.

I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Hopefully we'll be able to get him an appointment with the oncologist early next week, and Dr. Parker just called--his lungs are clear! So that's one hurdle we've gotten over. We see the oncologist on Tuesday.

Okay. Gotta go pick the old boy up. Say prayers for him if you're the praying sort, and if not, a good thought will do. Thanks.

London Dragons

Who remembers the old-school Dungeons & Dragons game? In my neck of the woods, with the 4 other people I used to play with, it was an utter good time. It was really more about the socializing than the actual game, but play the actual game we did. There was ALWAYS Coke in the tall glass bottles, Cheetos, (the crunchy kind,) nacho cheese Doritos (mixed in a bowl with the Cheetos,) and a box of donuts. There was generally more food after all that had been consumed, but those four thing were indispensable.

The game started in the early evening, and often went until the wee hours of the morning, until everyone was giddy with exhaustion and the thrill of the game which we, as a group, did NOT play totally according to the rules. We didn't worry much about encumbrance, we didn't give a crap about which spells we were and weren't allowed to have at which level, we just dove in and had a great time.

Fast forward now--it's approximately 26 years later (holy crap.) Four grown couples are sitting on a living room floor, with all their geek supplies in front of them. Four children, (aged 6, 4 1/2, 2 and about 9-10 months) running around, and two 9-week-old puppies are thrown in for good measure.

For some wild reason, it just wasn't the same.

I really do find myself pining for earlier times quite often these days. Not that I don't like my NOW, but things were so simple back then, even though at the time I thought it was so hard. There were no bills that I saw, I wasn't responsible for much, I was relatively healthy and slept well, my thighs and upper arms, while chunky, didn't make "flappity-flappity" noises every time I moved them. My hair was thicker, my teeth were in better shape, without the weird slight underbite I've developed with two teeth. Yeah, I was fat, but really, things weren't that bad. My mom was as normal as she ever got, and she and my dad lived in the same house. Sometimes I'm just surprised to wake up and find that I'M the mom, the adult, the responsible one. It's weird. I still feel like I'm 18. (In my head, at least. My body is about 60.)

I never thought I'd be one of those mothers who lives vicariously though her children, but I find myself wanting things for Zoe that I wanted for myself--stuff I never had. Like summer camp. I remember wanting to go to summer camp, but I never did. I thought back then that I was being deprived, but I realize now that we probably couldn't afford it. And even though ballet classes are going to be more expensive this year because of being part of the company instead of just taking classes, I'm all about it! I wanted to be a ballerina, too. (I can still remember mom taking me to ballet classes at UOP--where I would sit on the floor underneath the barre and refuse to come away from the wall. Those classes didn't last long--I was far too shy.) I was always too shy and too scared of everything to be any of the great things I aspired to, but Zoe is my polar opposite--outgoing, fearless, lousy with self-esteem. And so I want to push her to do all these things, because I didn't do them. I WANT to push her, but I don't. She loves ballet, so she goes, and she wants summer camp, so she goes. If she were to tell me she didn't want to go anymore, I would be disappointed, but I'd never force her to go.

When I look at her, though, it's like all I can see is this little bundle of potential. I suppose all parents feel that way.

So speaking of parents and polar opposites and stuff, let me tell you about tonight's experience at the house were we played D&D. (And let me preface it that we have a few rules that Zoe follows and that are almost never broken. One is that she doesn't drink soda. She has water, milk, juice and the occasional lemonade. That's about it. Another is that there are certain things on television that aren't appropriate for her to watch. Spongebob Squarepants is one of those, as it has no redeeming qualities for people in her age-group, in my opinion.)

The couple that was hosting has two kids, the 6- and 2-year-old. When we got there, it was the first time I really met the mother, although I know the father pretty well. She took me through the kitchen and said that she had chips and rootbeer for the kids. I didn't say anything thinking that I could deal with that when we came to it. Well, pretty soon, one of her kids hands Zoe a big bottle of rootbeer. Zach and I kind of gave each other looks, wondering how to go about taking it away without offending anyone, and the mother picked it up, and was great about it, but offered instead milk with strawberry Quik in it. So yeah, it still was jam-packed with sugar, but at least it was milk. Later, as the kids were playing, the little girl comes out to ask if it's okay if Zoe watches Spongebob Squarepants. Jeez! I just said to go ahead, because I already felt like the strictest mom alive. The other two kids, in the 6 hours we were there, drank nothing but rootbeer and ate nothing but tortilla chips and frosted animal cookies, and a few crackers with cheese. The mother told them they could have ice cream later, and I forced Zoe to eat some chicken before the ice cream was trotted out. (Which, by the way, it never was, thank goodness!) Until tonight, I felt guilty when I made Zoe one of those frozen Kid Cuisine dinners, or made her a grilled-cheese sandwich or mac and cheese, but now, not so much. It felt almost like they had seen my list of rules and figured out a way for my daughter to break every one. And the thing is, they're nice people, and they were very nice and understanding about how we raise our own kid, but still, it was a struggle with the other kids around her get stuff she can't have. And just as an aside, I am astounded by the number of mothers who can't wrap their brains around Zoe not having had a soda at her age.

I guess I just assumed everyone parented the way I do, unless they were completely deficient. Not so! These are not deficient people! It was weird.

I will just need to come to terms that not everyone can be a 10th level Mommy like me.

One week

Today marks one whole week without caffeine (at least from soda-type sources) and not much has changed healthwise, but I didn't expect it to so fast. I have also begun to rethink my whole gluten-free idea, because I went to our tree-huggiest grocery store and there really is a dearth of gluten-free stuff out there, and what IS out there cost about three times as much as the gluten-lousy stuff. Plus, I don't have any hard evidence I have an issue with gluten, but I DO have evidence of a milk intolerance, so I'm going to start there. I'm going to start by RESTRICTING dairy, first. We'll see if I live through it.

Cool thing #1: a dove with two fledgelings is living right outside my computer window. Those chicks better learn to fly pretty soon, though, because the nest is getting mighty small.

Cool thing #2: today's afternoon activity, if Zoe hasn't fallen asleep on the couch, will be to empty a bag of native Texas topsoil into a tub, add some water, and let her have at it. I think that'll be a huge hit.

Cool thing #3: Zoe has lately taken to telling me that she can't sleep in her room alone at night, and wants me to stay with her after her books each evening. One night last week, I told her I couldn't, but I'd be right outside her room on the computer. Her response: "But, Mommy, I just feel so cold and alone when you're not here." To my credit, I didn't laugh OUT LOUD.

Oh, gross. Those two fledgelings are practically tearing their mother's throat out eating. Bleah.

Day 1 sans caffeine--and still I live

So I did it--no caffeine today, and I'm here to tell about it. I can't take too much credit, though, because I spent a significant portion of the day snoozing on the couch (heaven!) while Zoe was at school and I had a protracted (2 WEEK!!) vacation between the end of spring semester and the beginning of summer semester.

What happened was that after writing yesterday's entry, I was up till about 4 am with a stomach that was doing some eevil things to me, leaving me tired today, otherwise even though I may have wanted to, I probably wouldn't have spent the whole day sleeping.

So I did have a huge urge for a Coke at one point, and instead had a small glass of grape juice, which actually worked relatively well to relieve my thirst (go figure!) and have thus been able to avoid my drug of choice for an entire day. Go, me!

Tomorrow: Day 2. I think I can do it.

Diet issues--my health eludes me--must go look for it!

Ack.

(And I mean that with all the angst and anguish it can hold. Really.)

I believe that today, May 8, 2008, I officially grew TOO TIRED of my body's shenanigans to fight against it any longer, and have begun to research what I can do WITH it. Bah! So what I know at this time is that I have Gilbert's Syndrome (supposedly benign--my aching BUTT) and mild gastroparesis (slow gastric emptying.) So where to go from there?

I'll tell you where--a gluten-free, dairy-free, beef- poultry- pork-free diet. Yeah, sounds yummy, doesn't it? Plus any vitamins/supplements/voodoo pills that claim to help with liver function and digestion.

Basically, an asian diet--fish, veggies, rice. I suppose I could live on that, but I'll tell you, it's going to hellish giving up Coke and cheese. You know, they make rice cheese. Oh, and my allergist tells me I'm allergic to SOY, of all things, so that effectively wipes out a shitload of substitutes I could be eating. The upside: chocolate rice milk isn't so bad.

So tomorrow, I'll start out slowly by NOT drinking Coke, Dr. Pepper or anything else of that ilk--water only, which shouldn't be too hard until the withdrawal symptoms kick in.

I reiterate: Ack.

Ballet recital photos 2008

The last weekend in April was the Spring dance recital. Zoe's class was costumed as roses, and their dance was entitled "Cut Roses of the Table." As usual, I can't figure out how to use my camera effectively in low-light no-flash-allowed circumstances, and so they're fuzzy. (Yes, I set them for high speed, but I still suck.) Anyway, here are the "best" ones.

As is no doubt obvious from the photos, she's the best kid up there, which is probably why they stuck her into the front row. I especially like her grande reverence at the end. (Photo #3)

These next photos are just cute.

Does she or does she not look like Jennifer Aniston here? I've never been a huge JA fan, but I really did think there was a resemblance here. Heck, better to look like JA than me! (In my opinion, at least!)